smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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