afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
