i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I won the penis lottery.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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