I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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