Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
