She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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