I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize