she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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