I think I died a long time ago.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
