like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
