when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
