Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
