Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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