I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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