Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize