also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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