I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
