Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
