official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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