Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
