Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
