You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I want is dick and wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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