Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
