I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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