I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
