You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
