I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
