Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
