brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
