at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
