fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
