Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
handjob tips. give me some.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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