He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
