when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
