youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
