Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
