Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
