I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
