As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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