Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
