If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
