if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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