There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
