1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize