Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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