the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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