NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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