were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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