Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
