In the future we'll all be gay
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
