I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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