just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
