I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
