I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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