Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
