you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
