Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
