Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
