Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
