Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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