Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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