I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
