yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
