oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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