I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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