lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
