I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
