Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
