I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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