I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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